Sunday, January 17, 2016

Randi in a nutshell.


Randi can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. She once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield all in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. She's written an opera. She can tread water for three days in a row, she woos men with her sensuous trombone playing, she cooks thirty minute brownies in twenty minutes. Using only a hoe and a large class of water, she once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde or ferocious army ants. She is the subject of numerous documentaries. She enjoys urban hang gliding and Critics worldwide swoon over her original line of corduroy evening wear. While on vacation in Canada, she successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists that had seized a small bakery. Randi invented full-contact origami. She's spoken with Elvis.

She's the coolest person you've ever heard of. She is... Randi Tucker.

Jimmy

Jimmy has Randi on speed dial.


Skiing

Randi was invited to join the Olympic ski team, but she declined because she's not that interested in going to Pyeongchang and would rather spend her time with family. 

Cake.

The owners of this bakery found out that Randi wanted some cake and this was the result.

Trend-setter.

No less than three actresses are wearing a variation of this dress to the Oscars.

Hallelujah.

Just being in Randi's presence usually prompts people to praise the heavens. 


Can't touch this.

Randi is more righteouser than the righteousest that you've ever righteoused.

Arteeest.

Have you heard of the Louvre?



This is in it.

This post requires no caption. And yet...

Suspenders. I die. 

Can't say no.

Randi is the first person in the world to be classified as literally irresistible.